Bad Ad Friday: The Boys Club

{ October 9, 2009 @ 9:24 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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After Ralph Lauren’s retouching scandal earlier this week, I thought I’d post about ads that are incredibly offensive to women and minorities. And NO, I’m not about to post some wack-ass “retro” ads. There are actually several recent examples that are guaranteed to push your buttons.

St. Pauli Girl: “Drop Dead Refreshing”

Oh. My. GOD. It’s my worst nightmare come to life: the realization that most men wish we were smoking hot, silent and possibly made of beer. UGH

Picture 1

Dolce & Gabbana

“So, you’re saying that if I wear D&G, I’ll look so good that strange men will try to rape me? Great, I’ll take three of everything.”

Picture 2

Tom Ford Fragrance

I can’t imagine anyone who’d want to smell like sex, or like a rubber doll. But I guess Tom Ford would know better than I would.

 

Picture 5

Intel 

A while back, I freelanced for an agency that was pitching the Intel account, and I can’t help but think that they would have done a MUCH BETTER JOB than this. Yikes.

Picture 3

McDonald’s: “Double Cheeseburger?” 

This one is just culturally clueless. What did they think “I’d hit it” meant, anyway? 

Picture 3

SIGH…

Those Crazy Lohans: Endorsement Edition

{ October 8, 2009 @ 5:05 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I don’t know what it is with these loony Lohans, but they need to STOP with the tie-ins, endorsements and pet assignments. 

From LaineyGossip.com, a press release touting Mom-of-the-Year Dina Lohan’s new shoe line: 

Contact Josie Z 

DINA LOHAN, ONE OF THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS MOTHERS TO ANNOUNCE HER OWN DESIGNER SHOELINE ”SHOE-HAN” AND BECOME NATIONAL SPOKESMODEL AT NEWS CONFERENCE ON THURS OCT 8TH-2pm NYC 
Dina Lohan, diva and star of the hit E! show “Living Lohan,” as well as mother to actress and starlet Lindsay, will be holding a major press conference and media reception on Thursday October, 8th at 2pm at Trump Plaza, 725 5th Avenue, Floor 21, Marc Fisher showroom, to announce a creation of her new own shoe line, “Shoe-han” as well as becoming a national spokesmodel for the popular LoveMyShoes.com retail designer ladies footwear stores.  

 

Other celebrities that have sold millions of shoes include: Vanessa Hudgens, Jessica Simpson, Gwen Stefani, Star Jones, Carlos Santana and more.

LoveMyShoes.com hopes to have Dina’s shoes available world-wide from coast to coast by Mother’s Day. She will be appearing as a shoe fashionista later this on month on television and radio commercials. The shoe store chain was founded on Long Island, home of the Lohan family.

As if Dina didn’t have bigger problems to worry about. Namely Lindsay and Ali, out in the clubs learning everything the hard way. And not only that, but look at the way Lindsay makes a buck these days—everything she does is cheap and shoddy.
SevinNyne (tanning mist)
Even this highly-retouched photo of her looks cracked out. Sad. Also, Lindsay really doesn’t need anymore tanning in her life. She already looks older than her 23 years. 
Picture 1
Ariva (nicotine gum)
Despite reports, Lohan insists that she isn’t endorsing this gum, just using it. But, honestly, she’s using it in front of the cameras too much for that to be the case.
Picture 2
Ungaro (creative consultant)
I really question whether Lohan’s state of mind is sound enough to be a Creative Consultant for a brand that desperately needs creative solutions to stay alive. Lohan’s own fashion choices are so Euro-trash as of late that naturally, her debut at Ungaro was a spectacular failure.
Picture 3 Picture 4 Picture 5
Eesh. Pasties and bandeau tops, oh my.
6126 Leggings (her own line)
Because of her own awful line of leggings, I’d think that Ungaro would have reconsidered their offer, but NOOOOO.
Picture 6
Seriously, those Lohans need to just chill. No one wants their crap.

 

More Like Wii FAT

{ October 6, 2009 @ 2:43 am } · { Uncategorized }
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My girlfriends produced a Wii Fit at my engagement party this weekend, and I could not wait another second to try it out. So yesterday, I brought it out, determined to really get on track with the fitness routines before my wedding.

First off, I knew it would probably tell me stuff I didn’t want to hear, like that I sit on my ass too much or that I eat too much fatty food. I was also expecting it to rag on my booze habit and tell me I’m a failure at life, but that didn’t happen (thankfully).

It did, however, tell me I’m damn near obese because of my BMI level. After picking my ass up off the floor and wiping away the tears (I really am a big baby after all), I was DETERMINED not to let this piece of plastic make me feel bad about myself.

So I started doing the yoga and broke a sweat, like, five minutes in. My arms were tired from all that stretching.

I suck.

Chicago 2016: It Ain’t Gonna Happen

{ October 2, 2009 @ 6:19 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Let me say this about the Olympic Bid: our Mayor Daley has bigger fish to fry right now instead of this little tap dance he’s been doing to get the Olympics in Chicago.

First and foremost, how many innocent children are killed by gunfire in a given month on the South Side, where the games would take place?

Secondly, how far in debt is Illinois, and more specifically, Chicago, and how is this affecting our (rapidly disappearing) resources as we try to woo the IOC?

Thirdly, how much taxpayer money would be spent (and you KNOW it would be) to create the new transportation and to maintain roads and highways? Also, how in the HELL is the BANKRUPT CTA going to finance these new train routes, when they’re already shutting down ESSENTIAL bus routes to save money?

Do the math: seven years of expensive preparations for two weeks of games…you’re bound to take a large loss. This is NOT going to help the city; rather, it will handicap it.

And now that the Olympics are definitely NOT coming to Chicago, is Daley just going to let all of these issues continue? Here’s one I have an answer for: DEFINITELY. Because why should he care, now?

Look, I get it. A lot of you were banking on that bid to create jobs. But think about it: you’d be paying such high taxes (currently, without the Olympics, sales tax in Chicago is 10.25%) to offset the costs of actually bringing the Olympics here that it would negate any benefits you might see.

Also, imagine your commute to this so-called amazing opportunity: as it is, 290 is so bottle necked it takes 3 hours to go 3 miles. 90/94 is the same. So is 55. And if you live in a southwest or northwest suburb, driving will be your only option, since Metra and CTA have declared those areas ghost towns.

Today, Mayor Daley heard some of what he needed to hear. Now, all we need to do is tell him to get to work on the things that REALLY need his attention.

Bad Ad Friday: WTF edition

{ October 2, 2009 @ 5:47 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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In the spirit of Bad Ad Friday, this week I’m bringing you some bad print ads, courtesy of People Magazine.

First up: this ditty from Vicks.

Vicks_Flippers

Flippers! In the cup! To signify a vacation or staycation that the family will have no problem enjoying, since none of them are sick! Clever, right? WRONG. Why do I have to get all the way to the bottom to figure out why there are flippers in a cup, and what they might have to do with cough syrup? It’s a stretch, to say the least.

Next up: this giant piece of WTF from Scott Tissue.

Scott Tissue_Holy Mackerel

Holy Mackerel, that is one terrible ad. Talk about a literal interpretation.

Then, there’s this naughty little number from BK:

Picture 2

It’ll blow, alright. Especially once some of those “womenfolk” see it.

Lastly, there’s Calvin Klein’s creepy attempt at kiddie porn.

Picture 4

I don’t want to smell like a child molester, so I (along with the rest of the general population) completely avoided whatever was being sold here. 

After looking at all of these, I think there’s a line between being clever and interesting and fun—and being unable to accept that something from your brilliant mind could actually be less than brilliant. As creatives, we all know when something is just no good, and it’s our job to take it out of the mix before it goes to print. Maybe these ones slipped through the cracks…that’s all I’m saying.

Hollywood Reality Check: Photoshop Edition

{ October 1, 2009 @ 3:34 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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“Everybody comes to Hollywood/They wanna make it in the neighborhood/They like the smell of it in Hollywood/How could it hurt you when it looks so good?”

- Madonna

The lyrics ring true, time and again. The siren song of fame and fortune is impossible for some to ignore, even as the lifestyle chews them up and spits them out. Fame makes people do crazy things, and the Hollywood Reality Check profiles this phenomenon.

Today’s phenomenon: bad photos. They happen to even the most beautiful of Hollywood stars, because no one is perfect, despite what the glossy mags and silver screens show you.

PAM ANDERSON

Without all the makeup, fancy lighting and Photoshop, Pam is a very different person. She’s actually real, instead of some hyper-sexualized cartoon version of herself. 

Picture 2

See photo here

BRITTANY MURPHY

No sleep? No problem! 

Picture 3

See photo here

KELLY CLARKSON

Kelly has said numerous times that the photos of her we all see are not actually her. Here’s a perfect example of someone working overtime to make Kelly something she’s not (and clearly doesn’t want to be). I respect her for not immediately cashing in her soul for some size 2s and a bottle o’ bleach, and personally, I think she’s cute as a button just the way she is.

Picture 4

See photo here

BEYONCE

I think this one pisses me off the most. It’s not that Beyonce is ugly. For L’Oreal, it seems like the issue is just that she’s not the right COLOR.

Picture 5

See photo here

The fact is, you’ll never be good enough for Hollywood consumption on your own. In order to sufficiently chew you up and spit you out on some busted-ass curb in the Valley, Hollywood must first build you up as some ethereal wonder who doesn’t sweat, wrinkle her clothes or even posess a normal, natural hair or skin color.

So, right from the start of your so-called career, if you wish to be a star, you’re not allowed to be REAL.

On My Mind

{ September 29, 2009 @ 10:08 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Roman Polanski’s joke of a rape trial begs the question: is he about to get off TWICE?

For those unfamiliar with the particulars of the case, here’s the straight dope from Wikipedia: 

In 1977, Polanski was arrested in Los Angeles and pleaded guilty to “unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor”, a 13-year-old girl (he was 44 years old at the time).[8] Released after a 42-day psychiatric evaluation, Polanski fled to France, has had a U.S. arrest warrant outstanding since 1978,[9] and an international arrest warrant since 2005.[10]Polanski for many years avoided visits to countries that were likely to extradite him, such as the United Kingdom, and traveled mostly between France, where he resides, and Poland. As a French citizen, he was protected in France by the country’s limited extradition with the U.S.[11] On September 26, 2009, he was arrested, at the request of U.S. authorities, by Swiss police, on arrival at Zürich Airport while trying to enter Switzerland[10] to pick up a lifetime achievement “Golden Icon Award” from the Zurich Film Festival.[12][13]

And now, there’s word that his victim is arguing that Polanski has “suffered enough,” adding fuel to the fire of the rest of film community, which is holding him up as some kind of fucked-up martyr. I don’t understand it at all. 

Rape is rape. I think there should never be a statute of limitations on the crime, and I think all victims should be encouraged to confront and help convict their attackers, whether they’re deranged strangers or incredibly successful Hollywood figureheads. 

The fact that Polanski has had a tormented life of his own, having escaped from the ravages of Nazi Germany and lived through the tragic, graphic murder of his wife, shouldn’t excuse his behavior. It should only make you wonder if these things contributed to his own sadistic nature.

Bad Ad Friday: Mad Men Mania!

{ September 25, 2009 @ 9:01 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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At work, one of the big hits is AMC’s series, Mad Men. It harkens back to the “golden age” of advertising, the 1960s, and is easily some of the most interesting TV I’ve seen in a while.

This is my favorite scene from the entire series of Mad Men – past, present and future.

And it isn’t easy for a scene to become my undisputed, king-of-the-world favorite, either. In particular, Mad Men has several awesome moments for a gal like me to choose from, such as:

Who knew Joan could play the accordion? Do you suspect she had one of those awkward phases, complete with braces, glasses and such? It’s fun to imagine someone as cool as Joan being like the rest of us.

Or this scene where Betty just goes apeshit for a minute and shoots a bunch of pigeons. 

And of course, the best thing ever: Don’s “carousel” speech from Season 1. 

If you’re not watching this show, give it a chance. It really gives you an idea of the nuttiness, intensity and straight-up fun of this business…along with its pressures, disappointments and insecurities.

Angry Rant of the Day: Skeevy CTA Dudes

{ September 24, 2009 @ 2:57 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Ladies, have any of you noticed an uptick in the number of times you’ve been hit on while just trying to get to work? Even when you have the headphones on and a book open, here they are, pestering you for the time, then wanting to know your name, trying to kiss your hand and shit. UGH, just back off…with your low-rent Don Juan DeMarco wannabe ass.

While I’m always up for a friendly conversation about the weather or some other inconsequential subject on the train, that’s never what I get. Nooooo. It’s always some skeevy dude who, when I tell him I have a boyfriend, asks if I’ll – and I QUOTE – “make an exception.”

So, lemme get this straight. You’re asking me if I’ll shitcan my perfectly happy relationship to start something on the side with a total (and totally skeevy) stranger from the fuckin’ Red Line?

Um, I know it’s early and all, but the answer is a definite, resounding and very clear NO.

Now kindly fuck off so I can finish listening to “Short Dick Man” and reading “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” in peace.

Bad Stock Photo Choice

{ September 22, 2009 @ 3:08 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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If Yahoo! was hoping to look more modern with a new image on their login page, they get a big ass FAIL today.

Picture 1

I mean, I had *no* idea they had laptops in the Victorian era.

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