Archive for October, 2009

Bad Ad Monday: Drugs

{ October 26, 2009 @ 6:01 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Sorry I missed you guys on Friday. I was doing battle with the phlegm dragon, and couldn’t muster up the energy to do this long, somewhat ridiculous post on phrama ads. So let’s get down to business. 

There are so many things that make creating pharma ads difficult. Sometimes, it’s an undiscovered and totally unpleasant side effect. Or, you’ve got to somehow squeeze in over 30 seconds of risk information. And then there’s the issue of small, annoying details that are easy to overlook. Many drug spots fall flat with consumers for any (or ALL) of these reasons. 

Katt Williams made a brilliant observation about these drug ads you see all over the TV, and the effect the drugs have in real life: 

He’s right. Sometimes, the cure is worse than the disease. Especially if the disease is questionable, such as Restless Leg Syndrome (or RLS). 

“Intense gambling, sexual or other urges”?! What kind of OTHER urges could they be referring to – the urge to kill? Jesus. Is it even WORTH it? If your legs are that damn jumpy, go for a run or something. Just spare your family the embarrassment of selling their home to pay for your new, incredibly hard to kick pony habit. 

Or if it’s something that’s mildly inconvenient, like having to take a birth control pill every DAY…oh, the agony.

This is just my opinion, but since NuvaRing is a ring that you have to insert, isn’t it probably going to be a bit more involved and possibly more complicated than just popping a pill? Please to explain. 

Lastly, there’s the issue of technical details. When Pfizer launched Lipitor in 2006, they used Dr. Jarvik, the creator of the artificial heart, as its spokesperson. Unfortunately, Jarvik isn’t a cardiologist, and isn’t licensed to practice medicine. He also used a stunt double for some shots where he was rowing a boat and various other strenuous activities, which made the whole thing seem that much more dubious. The ads were pulled some time ago, and now I can’t find them on YouTube. Which makes the whole thing even MORE unpleasant. 

There’s really a fine line to walk when it comes to drug talk. Each ad seems to follow the same plotline as always—yet the side effects and diseases are getting weirder and weirder. Not only that, but fewer people have access to decent healthcare than ever—and when their doctors begin to look more and more like NASCAR drivers, can you blame them for being skeptical?

Asshole of the Day: Robert Verdi

{ October 21, 2009 @ 3:57 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I’m dieting right now, so admittedly I’m a bit pissy (the tremors that come with excluding Chihuahua cheese, ranch and vodka from my diet are HARSH, people). But Robert Verdi’s (I know, you’re squinting your eyes and going, “WHO?” haha) comments to New York Magazine have sent me to the cupboard to find gooey, fatty things to pelt at his bald head.

Check it:

Robert Verdi: ‘I Think Food Is for Fat People and Poor People’ Last night at the fifteenth-anniversary celebration of Martha Stewart Weddings, we asked stylist Robert Verdi what he thought of Ralph Lauren allegedly firing model Filippa Hamilton for being too fat. “I love fat people because they’re jolly,” Verdi offered, seemingly dodging the question. But he was quick to agree with Robin Givhan that it shouldn’t be a big deal if the fashion industry doesn’t like non-stick figures. “I think people of all sizes should be wearing clothes. I don’t know if they necessarily need to be photographed in clothes,” he continued. “A lot of women say ‘I should’ve been alive when Ruben was because I’m Rubenesque.’ So times have changed. There are different cultural norms and values and beauty identities, and the fact that thin is in — who cares? It’s why I stopped eating. I think food is for fat people and poor people. Rich people don’t eat. They get dressed up and go shopping.”

People, here’s what he looks like, so you can avoid his slew of tacky ‘guest appearances’ and any joke of an article he might be asked to write in the absence of a REAL fashion writer. 

20091020_rverdi_250x375

This guy is a douchebag extraordinaire.

Oh, WALMART

{ October 20, 2009 @ 4:58 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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As a retail behemoth, Walmart has always been under watch and constant criticism for a variety of things. Things like running small businesses out of town, encouraging rampant consumerism that fills landfills at an alarmingly rapid rate, attracting what PeopleofWalMart.com calls “creatures,” etc.

Naturally, there are some measures that Walmart takes to maintain their family friendly, all-American image [giant eyeroll].

Most of these measures are completely boneheaded—check out the best of them courtesy of MentalFloss.com:

Pregnant Barbie? Not at Walmart.
When Barbie’s friend Midge was featured as a set with husband and removable baby belly, customers balked. Not sure if the reality of pregnancy was too much for them, but Walmart decided to remove the dolls from its stores regardless. You know, just in case she was anything like Barbie, whose “sister” Skipper is for sale, despite her obviously illegitimate status.

margaret

“Someday a woman will be President!”
…of the country, but not of Walmart, by God. This tee, featuring Margaret from Dennis The Menace saying these words, was pulled from a Miami-area Walmart in 1995. Why? No real answer was ever given, but eventually someone saw this as a grave error and restocked shelves.

Music
Long ago, Walmart had the *brilliant* idea to avoid stocking any albums bearing the Parental Advisory sticker. Seeing how everyone rushes to iTunes anyway, maybe they just shouldn’t have bothered at all.

Frankly, the rest of the list, in my opinion, is filled with smart moves—namely, not stocking Maxim (who reads that dreck, anyway?), not stocking Confederate-themed sauces, kicking out a teenage Megan Fox for shoplifting (and keeping her out with a lifelong ban—if only Hollywood had the balls).

Hey, we can rag on Walmart all we want, but the fact remains: where else you gonna get towels for $3.00 each? Or a blender for fifteen bucks? That’s right, nowhere.

Bad Ad Friday: The Issue of Placement

{ October 16, 2009 @ 3:29 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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This week’s Bad Ad Friday will focus on the placement of ads. Sometimes, creatives will manufacture a campaign that would otherwise be ordinary—except that its placement will then raise the work to a level of sheer brilliance…or create a near-catastrophe. It depends on where it’s placed. 

Many recent placement blunders happen online, a result of ever-updated homepages with ads slated to sit there for a number of hours or days. There’s usually little attention paid to what ad is on the homepage when big news breaks, and thus these examples are born.

Life Cereal/AOL.com

“And now this kid is floating in a weather balloon somewhere and—oh hai Life cereal.” 

SEO_1

Iomega/SMH.com.au

Talk about your unfortunate match-up and headline. EPIC FAIL

Burn Baby Burn

IQ test/CNN.com

“Hey, Terry Schiavo, what’s YOUR IQ?” Just…wow

CNN

Of course, poor placement isn’t just happening online. It happens pretty often in real life, too. Sometimes, you don’t know what will appear below your billboard, or you didn’t anticipate that support beam covering up a crucial letter in the headline. 

McDonald’s Angus burgers

I really think we should retire the word “Angus.” It’s really just become…well, you’ll see.

Picture 1

Carrot drink/Gym membership ad

This hybrid ad was clearly the product of two agencies having no clue as to what would be placed next to their ad. Each agency was likely offered a good price since the board is clearly cut in half to accomodate two ads instead of one. When a cut rate is offered, you should always ask, “What’s the catch?” Because sometimes, you may have to take a carrot up the ass.

bad_placement

McDonalds’/PSA

Here’s another unfortuante hybrid. And this one’s just…sad.

Mcfail

Naturally, for every 38572957 bad examples, there have to be at least a handful of good ones, right? 

In this super cool example, Apple uses a clever visual trick to turn streetlights into giant iPods.

Ipod

This is a great PSA that really makes people think about the effects of their cigarette smoking. Pretty gross, incredibly effective.

Smoker

Here’s another terrific example. Simple visual, brilliant placement.

Dental Plan

Naturally, the most brilliant placement of all didn’t even need an ad. Instead, the product was written into a blockbuster film, and the subsequent demand catapulted the product into a kind of stardom of its own. I’m speaking, of course, about Reese’s Pieces playing a supporting role in E.T.

Who didn’t want a bag of Reese’s Pieces to lure their own extraterrestrial friend? I know I did, and so did a billion other people my age. Even 27 years later, people still associate the peanut butter candies with that film. And now, with the invention of Tivo and DVR allowing viewers to zap past commercials, we’re seeing a resurgence of this practice in shows like 30 Rock, albeit in a more transparent way: 

So beware, serial Tivo-ers. Your favorite programs are about to get invaded in a big way. Once 30 Rock does it, EVERYONE does it.

UPDATE to WTF: Ralph Lauren is back at it again

{ October 15, 2009 @ 4:48 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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UPDATE: AgencySpy just found a THIRD Ralph Lauren photoshop nightmare. People, we cannot let this sort of fukkery stand.

RL 3

For those of you unfamiliar with the Ralph Lauren photoshop scandal that unfolded last week, here’s the story.

Photoshop Disasters uncovered this terrifyingly pared-down photo of supermodel Filippa Hamilton, and people immediately started circulating it on the web. Here’s the needlessly retouched image:

RL1

Like it or not, no woman has hips smaller than her head. Not even gorgeous, 5′9″, 120lb. Hamilton, who was fired shortly after this shoot for, appallingly, being OVERWEIGHT.

NOW, the same blog has caught these assholes at Ralph Lauren doing the same thing again. Check it out – this one decorates the window of an Australian store.

RL2

This is the kind of shit that makes me want to walk the four blocks to the pretentious Ralph Lauren sidewalk cafe and throw some carafes of overpriced lemon water at their flat asses.

A Weighty Issue: Chicago Cops

{ October 13, 2009 @ 2:24 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Anyone who lives in the city proper knows that Chicago cops are a hefty bunch…and it’s not because they lift weights and eat spinach.

I’ve had nothing but bad experiences with most on-duty cops, most notably the Jerry Orbach lookin’ motherfucker who couldn’t even step out of his vehicle to examine the damage from the car accident I had in May. It’s disgusting how much some of these cops are allowed to get away with, especially when we lose the great ones. The ones that sacrifice their own lives to ensure the safety of the public, or that don’t rest until they catch the thief, rapist or scammer that’s upsetting the residents on their beat.

It’s incredibly tough work, which is why I’m not a cop. BUT. If it’s that tough, then you gotta be tougher. And these cops that I see who are literally sitting themselves to death are not tough enough to pull their 400 pound mass out of a squad car, let alone catch an assailant. Can YOU picture these blobs with badges running down a mugger or a rapist? No, you can’t. And I can’t, either.

And that’s what brings this city down, time after time. If you ask me, it’s the number one reason we lost the Olympics—we’re just not safe enough as a city.

Frankly, that scares the shit out of me.

Bad Ad Friday: The Boys Club

{ October 9, 2009 @ 9:24 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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After Ralph Lauren’s retouching scandal earlier this week, I thought I’d post about ads that are incredibly offensive to women and minorities. And NO, I’m not about to post some wack-ass “retro” ads. There are actually several recent examples that are guaranteed to push your buttons.

St. Pauli Girl: “Drop Dead Refreshing”

Oh. My. GOD. It’s my worst nightmare come to life: the realization that most men wish we were smoking hot, silent and possibly made of beer. UGH

Picture 1

Dolce & Gabbana

“So, you’re saying that if I wear D&G, I’ll look so good that strange men will try to rape me? Great, I’ll take three of everything.”

Picture 2

Tom Ford Fragrance

I can’t imagine anyone who’d want to smell like sex, or like a rubber doll. But I guess Tom Ford would know better than I would.

 

Picture 5

Intel 

A while back, I freelanced for an agency that was pitching the Intel account, and I can’t help but think that they would have done a MUCH BETTER JOB than this. Yikes.

Picture 3

McDonald’s: “Double Cheeseburger?” 

This one is just culturally clueless. What did they think “I’d hit it” meant, anyway? 

Picture 3

SIGH…

Those Crazy Lohans: Endorsement Edition

{ October 8, 2009 @ 5:05 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I don’t know what it is with these loony Lohans, but they need to STOP with the tie-ins, endorsements and pet assignments. 

From LaineyGossip.com, a press release touting Mom-of-the-Year Dina Lohan’s new shoe line: 

Contact Josie Z 

DINA LOHAN, ONE OF THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS MOTHERS TO ANNOUNCE HER OWN DESIGNER SHOELINE ”SHOE-HAN” AND BECOME NATIONAL SPOKESMODEL AT NEWS CONFERENCE ON THURS OCT 8TH-2pm NYC 
Dina Lohan, diva and star of the hit E! show “Living Lohan,” as well as mother to actress and starlet Lindsay, will be holding a major press conference and media reception on Thursday October, 8th at 2pm at Trump Plaza, 725 5th Avenue, Floor 21, Marc Fisher showroom, to announce a creation of her new own shoe line, “Shoe-han” as well as becoming a national spokesmodel for the popular LoveMyShoes.com retail designer ladies footwear stores.  

 

Other celebrities that have sold millions of shoes include: Vanessa Hudgens, Jessica Simpson, Gwen Stefani, Star Jones, Carlos Santana and more.

LoveMyShoes.com hopes to have Dina’s shoes available world-wide from coast to coast by Mother’s Day. She will be appearing as a shoe fashionista later this on month on television and radio commercials. The shoe store chain was founded on Long Island, home of the Lohan family.

As if Dina didn’t have bigger problems to worry about. Namely Lindsay and Ali, out in the clubs learning everything the hard way. And not only that, but look at the way Lindsay makes a buck these days—everything she does is cheap and shoddy.
SevinNyne (tanning mist)
Even this highly-retouched photo of her looks cracked out. Sad. Also, Lindsay really doesn’t need anymore tanning in her life. She already looks older than her 23 years. 
Picture 1
Ariva (nicotine gum)
Despite reports, Lohan insists that she isn’t endorsing this gum, just using it. But, honestly, she’s using it in front of the cameras too much for that to be the case.
Picture 2
Ungaro (creative consultant)
I really question whether Lohan’s state of mind is sound enough to be a Creative Consultant for a brand that desperately needs creative solutions to stay alive. Lohan’s own fashion choices are so Euro-trash as of late that naturally, her debut at Ungaro was a spectacular failure.
Picture 3 Picture 4 Picture 5
Eesh. Pasties and bandeau tops, oh my.
6126 Leggings (her own line)
Because of her own awful line of leggings, I’d think that Ungaro would have reconsidered their offer, but NOOOOO.
Picture 6
Seriously, those Lohans need to just chill. No one wants their crap.

 

More Like Wii FAT

{ October 6, 2009 @ 2:43 am } · { Uncategorized }
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My girlfriends produced a Wii Fit at my engagement party this weekend, and I could not wait another second to try it out. So yesterday, I brought it out, determined to really get on track with the fitness routines before my wedding.

First off, I knew it would probably tell me stuff I didn’t want to hear, like that I sit on my ass too much or that I eat too much fatty food. I was also expecting it to rag on my booze habit and tell me I’m a failure at life, but that didn’t happen (thankfully).

It did, however, tell me I’m damn near obese because of my BMI level. After picking my ass up off the floor and wiping away the tears (I really am a big baby after all), I was DETERMINED not to let this piece of plastic make me feel bad about myself.

So I started doing the yoga and broke a sweat, like, five minutes in. My arms were tired from all that stretching.

I suck.

Chicago 2016: It Ain’t Gonna Happen

{ October 2, 2009 @ 6:19 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Let me say this about the Olympic Bid: our Mayor Daley has bigger fish to fry right now instead of this little tap dance he’s been doing to get the Olympics in Chicago.

First and foremost, how many innocent children are killed by gunfire in a given month on the South Side, where the games would take place?

Secondly, how far in debt is Illinois, and more specifically, Chicago, and how is this affecting our (rapidly disappearing) resources as we try to woo the IOC?

Thirdly, how much taxpayer money would be spent (and you KNOW it would be) to create the new transportation and to maintain roads and highways? Also, how in the HELL is the BANKRUPT CTA going to finance these new train routes, when they’re already shutting down ESSENTIAL bus routes to save money?

Do the math: seven years of expensive preparations for two weeks of games…you’re bound to take a large loss. This is NOT going to help the city; rather, it will handicap it.

And now that the Olympics are definitely NOT coming to Chicago, is Daley just going to let all of these issues continue? Here’s one I have an answer for: DEFINITELY. Because why should he care, now?

Look, I get it. A lot of you were banking on that bid to create jobs. But think about it: you’d be paying such high taxes (currently, without the Olympics, sales tax in Chicago is 10.25%) to offset the costs of actually bringing the Olympics here that it would negate any benefits you might see.

Also, imagine your commute to this so-called amazing opportunity: as it is, 290 is so bottle necked it takes 3 hours to go 3 miles. 90/94 is the same. So is 55. And if you live in a southwest or northwest suburb, driving will be your only option, since Metra and CTA have declared those areas ghost towns.

Today, Mayor Daley heard some of what he needed to hear. Now, all we need to do is tell him to get to work on the things that REALLY need his attention.

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