DEAR ELLIE MIZ J: Things have been going great with my girlfriend of one month but I’m troubled by her past. Her parents didn’t teach her proper values. She’s used drugs, which I strongly oppose. She hasn’t done drugs since well before we got together, and I trust that she never will again. Yet, I find myself dwelling on this and I’m afraid it’ll affect our relationship.
I want to accept that this was a past decision, and not think less of her for it. We’ve discussed how it would be dealt with in regards to our “potential” future children, and I was satisfied with the discussion. Yet I still need to learn a way to stop thinking about her past.
Concerned
No, no, you aren’t concerned; I am. What I’m about to tell you is going to hurt, but you need to hear it:
You sound needy as shit and about as fun as a bowl of Grape Nuts.
Consider this: you’ve only been dating a month. Right about now, you’re getting to know each other, and she was courteous enough to tell you up front about her past issues. Which is exactly what they are—PAST issues. If you really trust her, as you say you do, then you wouldn’t be “dwelling on it.”
Also, I will reiterate here that you’ve only been dating a MONTH, so talking about kids is really, really unnecessary at this point.
My advice to you is to unclench your butt cheeks a little and see where this thing goes. After all, a little excitement is probably exactly what you need—it seems like you’ve lead an awfully beige lifestyle. I mean, shit, this letter sounds like something my grade school principal would write to parents after some kid starts a wastebasket fire in the boys’ room with a cigarette.
So, in sum: chill the fuck out. You probably haven’t gotten any action in a while because no one else shares your interest in the rectal transport of steel rods, and that’s, like, a total deal breaker for you.
Peace,
Miz J
