…and happiness will now be posted here:
twitter.com/AskMizJ
After the wedding, this will turn into 140 character pieces of Miz J-branded wisdom for your daily consumption. Bookmark it now!
This morning, I was unfortunate enough to catch a snippet of “news” show in which the anchors were discussing Obama’s progress during his first year.
Let’s make a note right here that it’s actually only been 280-something days. Obama wasn’t sworn in until January of this year.
Okay, so, having made a note of THAT inaccuracy, let’s move on to the discussion of his progress. The talking heads are big into results, so they set up a “report card” that we could follow along with. They gave him a “D” for healthcare reform, which, come on. Why isn’t anyone grading our Congressmen, who are likely taking all kinds of that sweet ass kickback cash to look the other way and veto.
Also, IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN A FULL YEAR YET.
They also bitched about how things are slow to turn around. This pissed me off the most, because it took EIGHT FULL FUCKIN’ YEARS for Dubya to tangle us up in this hopelessly knotted ball of twine. It’s going to take at least that much time (if not more) to get us out. And really, O is the man to do it, slowly but surely, with ideas and solutions that will work in the long term, not instant gratification style garbage that got us in this mess to begin with.
Look, I want to bounce back as much as everyone else. But I want us to do it right, so that we’re not dealing with a recession every 7 years. The dot com bubble, the housing bubble…this shit has to stop.
Also, we have to stop doing things the way we’ve always done them. Change takes time and patience, and we have to understand that.
I’m still in the Obama camp. How about you?
I’m dieting right now, so admittedly I’m a bit pissy (the tremors that come with excluding Chihuahua cheese, ranch and vodka from my diet are HARSH, people). But Robert Verdi’s (I know, you’re squinting your eyes and going, “WHO?” haha) comments to New York Magazine have sent me to the cupboard to find gooey, fatty things to pelt at his bald head.
Check it:
Robert Verdi: ‘I Think Food Is for Fat People and Poor People’ Last night at the fifteenth-anniversary celebration of Martha Stewart Weddings, we asked stylist Robert Verdi what he thought of Ralph Lauren allegedly firing model Filippa Hamilton for being too fat. “I love fat people because they’re jolly,” Verdi offered, seemingly dodging the question. But he was quick to agree with Robin Givhan that it shouldn’t be a big deal if the fashion industry doesn’t like non-stick figures. “I think people of all sizes should be wearing clothes. I don’t know if they necessarily need to be photographed in clothes,” he continued. “A lot of women say ‘I should’ve been alive when Ruben was because I’m Rubenesque.’ So times have changed. There are different cultural norms and values and beauty identities, and the fact that thin is in — who cares? It’s why I stopped eating. I think food is for fat people and poor people. Rich people don’t eat. They get dressed up and go shopping.”
People, here’s what he looks like, so you can avoid his slew of tacky ‘guest appearances’ and any joke of an article he might be asked to write in the absence of a REAL fashion writer.
This guy is a douchebag extraordinaire.
As a retail behemoth, Walmart has always been under watch and constant criticism for a variety of things. Things like running small businesses out of town, encouraging rampant consumerism that fills landfills at an alarmingly rapid rate, attracting what PeopleofWalMart.com calls “creatures,” etc.
Naturally, there are some measures that Walmart takes to maintain their family friendly, all-American image [giant eyeroll].
Most of these measures are completely boneheaded—check out the best of them courtesy of MentalFloss.com:
Pregnant Barbie? Not at Walmart.
When Barbie’s friend Midge was featured as a set with husband and removable baby belly, customers balked. Not sure if the reality of pregnancy was too much for them, but Walmart decided to remove the dolls from its stores regardless. You know, just in case she was anything like Barbie, whose “sister” Skipper is for sale, despite her obviously illegitimate status.
“Someday a woman will be President!”
…of the country, but not of Walmart, by God. This tee, featuring Margaret from Dennis The Menace saying these words, was pulled from a Miami-area Walmart in 1995. Why? No real answer was ever given, but eventually someone saw this as a grave error and restocked shelves.
Music
Long ago, Walmart had the *brilliant* idea to avoid stocking any albums bearing the Parental Advisory sticker. Seeing how everyone rushes to iTunes anyway, maybe they just shouldn’t have bothered at all.
Frankly, the rest of the list, in my opinion, is filled with smart moves—namely, not stocking Maxim (who reads that dreck, anyway?), not stocking Confederate-themed sauces, kicking out a teenage Megan Fox for shoplifting (and keeping her out with a lifelong ban—if only Hollywood had the balls).
Hey, we can rag on Walmart all we want, but the fact remains: where else you gonna get towels for $3.00 each? Or a blender for fifteen bucks? That’s right, nowhere.
This week’s Bad Ad Friday will focus on the placement of ads. Sometimes, creatives will manufacture a campaign that would otherwise be ordinary—except that its placement will then raise the work to a level of sheer brilliance…or create a near-catastrophe. It depends on where it’s placed.
Many recent placement blunders happen online, a result of ever-updated homepages with ads slated to sit there for a number of hours or days. There’s usually little attention paid to what ad is on the homepage when big news breaks, and thus these examples are born.
Life Cereal/AOL.com
“And now this kid is floating in a weather balloon somewhere and—oh hai Life cereal.”
Iomega/SMH.com.au
Talk about your unfortunate match-up and headline. EPIC FAIL
IQ test/CNN.com
“Hey, Terry Schiavo, what’s YOUR IQ?” Just…wow
Of course, poor placement isn’t just happening online. It happens pretty often in real life, too. Sometimes, you don’t know what will appear below your billboard, or you didn’t anticipate that support beam covering up a crucial letter in the headline.
McDonald’s Angus burgers
I really think we should retire the word “Angus.” It’s really just become…well, you’ll see.
Carrot drink/Gym membership ad
This hybrid ad was clearly the product of two agencies having no clue as to what would be placed next to their ad. Each agency was likely offered a good price since the board is clearly cut in half to accomodate two ads instead of one. When a cut rate is offered, you should always ask, “What’s the catch?” Because sometimes, you may have to take a carrot up the ass.
McDonalds’/PSA
Here’s another unfortuante hybrid. And this one’s just…sad.
Naturally, for every 38572957 bad examples, there have to be at least a handful of good ones, right?
In this super cool example, Apple uses a clever visual trick to turn streetlights into giant iPods.
This is a great PSA that really makes people think about the effects of their cigarette smoking. Pretty gross, incredibly effective.
Here’s another terrific example. Simple visual, brilliant placement.
Naturally, the most brilliant placement of all didn’t even need an ad. Instead, the product was written into a blockbuster film, and the subsequent demand catapulted the product into a kind of stardom of its own. I’m speaking, of course, about Reese’s Pieces playing a supporting role in E.T.
Who didn’t want a bag of Reese’s Pieces to lure their own extraterrestrial friend? I know I did, and so did a billion other people my age. Even 27 years later, people still associate the peanut butter candies with that film. And now, with the invention of Tivo and DVR allowing viewers to zap past commercials, we’re seeing a resurgence of this practice in shows like 30 Rock, albeit in a more transparent way:
So beware, serial Tivo-ers. Your favorite programs are about to get invaded in a big way. Once 30 Rock does it, EVERYONE does it.
UPDATE: AgencySpy just found a THIRD Ralph Lauren photoshop nightmare. People, we cannot let this sort of fukkery stand.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Ralph Lauren photoshop scandal that unfolded last week, here’s the story.
Photoshop Disasters uncovered this terrifyingly pared-down photo of supermodel Filippa Hamilton, and people immediately started circulating it on the web. Here’s the needlessly retouched image:
Like it or not, no woman has hips smaller than her head. Not even gorgeous, 5′9″, 120lb. Hamilton, who was fired shortly after this shoot for, appallingly, being OVERWEIGHT.
NOW, the same blog has caught these assholes at Ralph Lauren doing the same thing again. Check it out – this one decorates the window of an Australian store.
This is the kind of shit that makes me want to walk the four blocks to the pretentious Ralph Lauren sidewalk cafe and throw some carafes of overpriced lemon water at their flat asses.
Anyone who lives in the city proper knows that Chicago cops are a hefty bunch…and it’s not because they lift weights and eat spinach.
I’ve had nothing but bad experiences with most on-duty cops, most notably the Jerry Orbach lookin’ motherfucker who couldn’t even step out of his vehicle to examine the damage from the car accident I had in May. It’s disgusting how much some of these cops are allowed to get away with, especially when we lose the great ones. The ones that sacrifice their own lives to ensure the safety of the public, or that don’t rest until they catch the thief, rapist or scammer that’s upsetting the residents on their beat.
It’s incredibly tough work, which is why I’m not a cop. BUT. If it’s that tough, then you gotta be tougher. And these cops that I see who are literally sitting themselves to death are not tough enough to pull their 400 pound mass out of a squad car, let alone catch an assailant. Can YOU picture these blobs with badges running down a mugger or a rapist? No, you can’t. And I can’t, either.
And that’s what brings this city down, time after time. If you ask me, it’s the number one reason we lost the Olympics—we’re just not safe enough as a city.
Frankly, that scares the shit out of me.
